Not Another Damn Blogger!!

I WONDER

2007-04-18T10:35:00.005-07:00

A couple that was married for 20 years always made love
With the lights off.

Well, after 20 years, the wife felt this was ridiculous.
She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit.

So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild,
Screaming, romantic session, she turned the lights on.

She looked down... And saw that her husband was holding a
Battery-operated pleasure device.

She went completely ballistic. "You impotent jerk,"
She screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of
These years? You better explain yourself!"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:

"I'll explain the toy... If you explain the kids."

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1 bad day

2007-04-18T10:32:00.005-07:00

THINK YOU'RE HAVING A BAD DAY.... check out these actual cases....

Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section
of
forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased
male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his
back, flippers, and face mask.

A post-mortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from
massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive
identification.

Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clothed diver
ended up in the middle of a forest fire.

It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off
the
coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to
control the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of
helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the
ocean
and emptied at the site of the forest fire. You guessed it. One minute
our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next, he was
doing
the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air. Some days
it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.

****************

A man was working on his motorcycle on the patio, his wife nearby in
the
kitchen. While racing the engine, the motorcycle accidentally slipped
into gear. The man, still holding onto the handlebars, was dragged
along as it burst through the glass patio doors.

His wife, hearing the crash, ran into the room to find her husband cut
and bleeding, the motorcycle and the shattered patio door. She called
for an ambulance and, because the house sat on a fairly
large hill, went down the several flights of stairs to meet the
paramedics and escort them to her husband.

While the attendants were loading her husband, the wife managed to
right
the motorcycle and push it outside. She also quickly blotted up the
spilled gasoline with some paper towels and tossed them into the
toilet.

After being treated an d released, the man returned home, looked at the
shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He went
into
the bathroom and consoled himself with a cigarette while attending to
his business. About to stand, he flipped the butt between his legs.

The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her
husband
screaming. Finding him lying on the bathroom floor with his trousers
blown away and burns on his buttocks, legs and groin, she once again
phoned for an ambulance.

The same paramedic crew was dispatched.

As the paramedics carried the man down the stairs to the ambulance they
asked the wife how he had come to burn himself. She told them. They
started laughing so hard, one slipped, dropping the stretcher and
dumping the husband out. He fell down the remaining stairs, breaking
his
arm.

*********************

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil
spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most
expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid
cheers and applause from onlookers..

A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

*****************************

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking
frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running
from his waist towards the electric kettle.

Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him
with
a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places.

Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

************

Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending
pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany.

Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a
broken
fence, stampeding madly. The two hopeless protesters were trampled to
death.

***********************

What?! STILL having a bad day??

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter
bomb.

It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was
the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

***********************

There now, feeling better???

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forever is a long time

2007-04-18T10:24:00.005-07:00

Two women in Heaven

1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.

2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.

2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over
with a heart attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer....We'd both still be alive.

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new waterbed

2007-04-18T10:13:00.005-07:00

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-8183020856844594856

very funny video

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but officer

2007-04-14T04:16:00.000-07:00

A man in his 40s bought a new BMW and was out driving on the interstate at top speed when he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.

"There's no way they can catch a BMW," he thought to himself and sped up even more. Then the reality of the situation hit him, "What the heck am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, it is the end of my shift, and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."

The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back."

"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.

speak english damn it

2007-04-14T03:21:00.000-07:00

Why English Is One Of The Most Difficult Languages To Learn...

We polish Polish furniture.

He could lead if he got the lead out.

A farm can produce produce.

The dump was so full, it had to refuse refuse.

The soldier decided to desert in the desert.

The present is a good time to present the present.

At the Army base, a bass was painted on a bass drum.

A dove dove into the bushes.

I didn’t object to the object.

The insurance for the invalid was invalid.

The bandage was wound around the wound.

There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

The two were too close to the door to close it.

The buck does funny things when does are present.

They sent a sewer down to stitch a tear in the sewer line.

To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

After a number of Novocain injections, my lips got number.

I shed a tear over a tear in my shirt.

I had to subject the subject to a number of tests.

How can I intimate this to my most intimate friends?

I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.

thinking outside the box

2007-04-12T12:10:00.000-07:00

I do not know who originally wrote this but it is a classic.

A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his graduate students. It had one question:

"Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls areentering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are,we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese Banyan during my Freshman year, 'That it will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then 2 cannot be true, and so Hell is exothermic."

This student got the only A.

math may save your life

2007-04-07T06:55:00.001-07:00

Riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing him to have to drive onto the shoulder to avoid hitting her.

This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window and "flipped" the woman off.

Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic, and here's why:

I drive 48 miles each way every day to work. That's 96 miles each day. Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper. Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway. There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles.

That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars. Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper to bumper, figure I pass at least another 4000 cars. That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars that I pass every day. Statistically, half of these are driven by females. That's 18,000 women drivers! In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS. That's 642.

According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding. That's 449.

According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have serious considered suicide or homicide. That's 98. And 34% describe men as their biggest problem. That's 33.

According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry weapons, and this number is increasing. That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, AND is armed.

Flip one off? ... I think NOT.

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must see

2007-04-07T06:37:00.001-07:00

Linkinn.com

a lot of very interesting pictures

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911 real or hoax

2007-04-07T06:22:00.001-07:00

BBC Reported Building 7 Had Collapsed 20 Minutes Before It Fell

After looking at this I wonder if this is for real or a hoax, after all with the type of software we now have we can make almost anything look real.

I don't know if it is real than these people should be charged with there murders also, but we all know THAT wont happen.

Make up your own mind........... maybe its time for a change.

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funny Emails I have recived

2007-04-07T05:55:00.001-07:00

Subject: GETTING IT DONE IN THE SOUTH

Hello, is this the sheriff's office?

Yes. What can I do for you?"

I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith.... He's hidin
marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside
them
logs, but he's hidin' it there."

Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. They
search
the shed where the firewood is kept Using axes, they bust open every
piece
of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.

Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house.

Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd.... d id the Sheriff come?"

"Yeah!"

"Did they split your firewood?"

"Yep!"

"Happy Birthday, buddy!"

(Rednecks know how to Git-R-Dun)

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

DEAR TECH SUPPORT:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon
noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that
took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and
now monitors all other system activities, such as Poker Night 10.3,
Football 5.0, Going To The Pub 7.5, and Softball 3.6

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to
run my other favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to

Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0.
Please help!

Thanks,
Troubled User.....

_____________________
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men often complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it
is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an
OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!!
It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend
7.0 . It is impossible to uninstall, or purge, the program files
from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to
not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings:
Alimony-Child Support . I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work
on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background
application Yes Dear 2.7 to alleviate your program problems.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE!
Because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before
the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance!
Wife 1.0 does come with several support programs, such as Clean and
Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5, and Pay Bills 4.2

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will
cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 24.7 Once this happens,
the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase
additional special purpose software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With
Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and
will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!

Best of luck, Tech Support

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Not a bad idea... In fact, a darn good one!!

CAN I GET AN "AMEN"

Like a lot of folks in this state, I have a job. I work, they pay me. I pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes as they see fit. In order to get that paycheck. I am required to pass a random urine test, which I have no problem with.

What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people who don't have to pass a urine test. Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a welfare check, because I have to pass one to earn it for them?

Please understand, I have no problem with helping people get back on their feet. I do, on the other hand, have a problem with helping someone sit on their ass.

Could you imagine how much money the state would save if people had to pass a urine test to get a public assistance check?

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Things To Ponder

       Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the
       batteries are getting weak?

       Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they
       know there is not enough?

       Why does someone believe you when you say there are four
       billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

       Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

       Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal
       injection?

       Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

       Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks
       when you throw a revolver at him?

       Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

       Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

       If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

       Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken
       computer in it?

       Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use
       the bubbles are always white?

       Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

       Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with
       hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

       Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with
       their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it,
       then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

       Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end
       you first try?

       How do those dead bugs get into those closed light fixtures?

       When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle
       with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we
       say, "It's all right?
       Well, it isn't all right so why don't we say, "That hurt, you
       stupid idiot?"

       Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's
       falling off the table you always manage to knock something else
       over?

       In winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was
       in summer when we complained about the heat?

       Why do you never hear father-in-law jokes?

       If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it
       like your wife told you to do it?

       And obviously: "If at first you don't succeed" just about does
       it for sky diving!

       And my FAVORITE......

       The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four
       persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness.
       Think of your three best friends!
       If they're okay, then it's you.

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gas wars

2007-03-28T22:23:00.001-07:00

This was also received in an email however i didn't think it right to put it into the funny email section unless you consider people uniting to do something like this now thats funny.

!!!! I hear we are going to hit close to $3.00 a gallon by the summer and it might go higher!!

Want gasoline prices to come down? We need to take some intelligent, united action.

~~Phillip Hollsworth~~, offered this good idea: This makes MUCH MORE SENSE than the "don't buy gas on a certain day" campaign that was going around last April or May! The oil companies just laughed at that because they knew we wouldn't continue to "hurt" ourselves by refusing to buy gas. It was more of an inconvenience to us than it
was a problem for them. BUT, whoever thought of this idea, has come up with a plan that can really work.

Please read it and join with us! By now you're probably thinking gasoline priced at about $1.50 is super cheap. Me too! It is currently $2.25 for regular unleaded in my town. Now that the oil companies and the OPEC nations have conditioned us to think that the
cost! of a gallon of gas is CHEAP at $1.50- $1.75, we need to take aggressive action to teach them that BUYERS control the marketplace....not sellers. With the price of gasoline going up more each day, we consumers need to take action. The only way we are
going to see the price of gas come down is if we hit someone in the pocketbook by not purchasing their gas! And we can do that WITHOUT hurting ourselves. How? Since we all rely on our cars, we can't just stop buying gas. But we CAN have an impact on gas prices if we all act together to force a price war.

Here's the idea: For the rest of this year, DON'T purchase ANY gasoline from the two biggest companies (which now are one), EXXON and MOBIL. If they are not selling any gas, they will be inclined to reduce their prices. If they reduce their prices, the other companies
will have to follow suit. But to have an impact, we need to reach literally millions of Exxon and Mobil gas buyers. It's really simple to do!! Now, don't wimp out on me at this point...keep reading and I'll explain how simple it is to reach millions of people!!

I am sending this note to about thirty people. If each of you send it to at least ten more (30 x 10 = 300) ... and those 300 send it to at least ten more (300 x 10 = 3,000)...and so on, by the time the message reaches the sixth generation of people, we will have reached
over THREE MILLION consumers. If those three million get excited and pass this on to ten friends each, then 30 million people will have been contacted! If it goes one level further, you guessed it..... THREE HUNDRED MILLION PEOPLE!!!

Again, all You have to do is send this to 10 people. That's all. (If you don't understand how we can reach 300 million and all you have to do is send this to 10 people.... Well, let's face it, you just aren't a mathematician. But I am .. so trust me on this one.)

How long would all that take? If each of us sends this e-mail out to ten more people within one day of receipt, all 300 MILLION people could conceivably be contacted within the next 8 days!!! I'll bet you didn't think you and I had that much potential, did you! Acting together we can make a difference.

If this makes sense to you, please pass this message on. PLEASE HOLD OUT UNTIL THEY LOWER THEIR PRICES TO THE $1.30 RANGE AND KEEP THEM DOWN. THIS CAN REALLY WORK. ~~Kerry Lyle, Director, Research Coordinator~~

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website INFO

2007-03-28T22:10:00.001-07:00

has anyone used these websites and have any info on if they are worth while, thanks

http://www.ideawicket.com/

http://www.gigoit.org/

http://www.atomicshopping.com/

http://www.freeauctions.co.nz/

http://onlineauction.com/

http://www.ioffer.com/

http://www.cellswapper.com/

http://www.flippid.com/home

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funny Emails I have recived

2007-03-28T22:01:00.001-07:00

The Woman Who Reads

            A couple goes on vacation to a fishing resort in northern
Minnesota. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn - the wife likes
to read. One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and
decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife
decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and
continues to read her book.

            Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside
the woman and says, "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing? "
           "Reading a book," she replies, thinking, Isn't that obvious?

            "You're in a restricted fishing area" , he informs her.
            "I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
            "Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could
start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

            "If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,"
says the woman.
            "But I haven't even touched you" , says the game warden.
             "That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know
you could start at any moment."
            "Have a nice day ma'am" and he left.

        MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

TOP TEN REASONS WHY THERE ARE NO BLACK NASCAR DRIVERS...

10) HAVE TO SIT UPRIGHT WHILE DRIVING.

09) PISTOL WON'T STAY UNDER FRONT SEAT.

08) ENGINES DROWN OUT THE RAP MUSIC.

07) PIT CREW CAN'T WORK ON CAR WHILE HOLDING UP PANTS
AT THE SAME TIME.

06) THEY KEEP TRYING TO CARJACK RUSTY WALLACE.

05) POLICE CARS ON TRACK INTERFERE WITH RACE.

04) NO PASSENGER SEAT FOR THE HO.

03) THERE ARE NO SPONSORS FOR CADILLAC.

02) CAN'T WEAR HELMET SIDEWAYS.

AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY BLACKS CAN'T BE IN NASCAR:

01) WHEN THEY CRASH THEIR CAR THEY BAIL OUT AND RUN.

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

THE YEAR 1904
Maybe this will boggle your mind, I know it did mine! The year is 1904 . one hundred years ago. What a difference a century makes!

Here are some of the U.S. statistics for 1904:

The average life expectancy in the U.S. was 47 years.
Only 14 percent of the homes in the U.S. had a bathtub.

Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.

A three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars.

   There were only 8,000 cars in the U.S., and only 144 miles of paved roads.

   The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.

   Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California.

   With a mere 1.4 million residents, California was only the 21st most populous state in the Union.

   The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower! .
The average wage in the U.S. was 22 cents an hour.
The average U.S. worker made between $200 and $400 per year.

A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year,

               a dentist $2,500 per year,

           a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and

           a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.
More than 95 percent of all births in the U.S. took place at home.
Ninety percent of all U.S. physicians had no college education.

        Instead, they attended medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press and by the government as "substandard."

Sugar cost four cents a pound.

Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.

Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.

Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
Canada passed a law prohibiting poor people from entering the country for any reason.

The five leading causes of death in the U.S. were:

           1. Pneumonia and influenza

           2. Tuberculosis
      3. Diarrhea
           4. Heart disease

           5. Stroke

The American flag had 45 stars.

             Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii, and Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet.

The population of Las Vegas, Nevada, was 30!!!

Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn't been invented.

There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.

Two of 10 U.S. adults couldn't read or write.

Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated high school.

Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at corner drugstores.

According to one pharmacist, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health." (Shocking!)

Eighteen percent of households in the U.S. had at least one full-time servant or domestic.

There were only about 230 reported murders in the entire U. S.
And I forwarded this from someone else without typing it myself, and sent it to you in a matter of seconds! Try to imagine what it may be like in another 100 years . it staggers the mind. (I received this in 04)

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Looking for Some Information Please

2007-03-27T23:20:00.001-07:00

I am looking for information about wholesale produce with in a 100 mile area of Mansfield ohio.

I am also interested in wholesale shrubbery such as flowers, shrubs, and trees.

I would also like to find a wholesale dealer of general merchandise and novelty items may be interested in true drop-shipper's.

Please people lets keep all information true and real, thank you for any and all your help. please leave a comment and i can email or call about any and all info if that is better for you, also FYI most if not all product will be used off line and at re-wholesaling.

I realize to some people that this is considered as tapping into e bay area but I really don't give a shit about them i want help for other reasons.

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raggedy crafts

2007-03-27T19:51:00.001-07:00

Welcome To Tampon Crafts

this is one ass kickin funny craft site right up my demented ass lane.

it's BLOODY ass cool... sorry couldn't help it... must be that time... opps sorry... haha

enjoy

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the $50 auto paint job

2007-03-27T19:42:00.001-07:00

moparts: paint job on a budget!?

yes thats what i said, don't have a lot of money or a lot of room?

how about like me and don't have the tools, but still want a good, hell a kick ass kinda looking paint job on your car?

than this form is a must read but be prepared theres a lot of pages

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secret recipes

2007-03-27T19:33:00.001-07:00

Recipe of Secret Recipes

the secrets of the BIG res truants you know finger lickin type

well kinda

take a look makes for some good eatin

technorati tags:recipes, food, list, secrets

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Mosaic's VERY different

2007-03-27T19:12:00.001-07:00

mosaics

not your regular type of mosaic this site is on a larger type and VERY different type.

I would love to see the full size picture's on this site, or better yet i would like to see one of the mosaics done for real.

this site reminds me of the truth smoking commercials where they go all over town chalk outlining body's very to the point.

technorati tags:mosaics, strange, fun, pic, pictures

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Advertisement the way it should be

2007-03-27T18:58:00.001-07:00

semi-truck's

now this is the way to advertise if more company's in the U.S. would do this type of advertising than they would see a huge rise in sales, not to mention it damn sure looks good also.

technorati tags:advertisement, semi-truck, fun, cool, funny

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divorce the way it should be

2007-03-11T05:21:00.001-07:00

Man saws house in two in divorce split - Peculiar Postings - MSNBC.com

Now this guy has the right idea cutting the house in half now that's cool. If need be he should do the car also.

I think that if we all did something like this it would cut out a lot of the bullshit greed involved in a divorce. Think about it you will lose the house anyways so SPLIT it, and yes that goes for those multi-million dollar homes to.

Now i can deal with cutting the house in half but the real question is how do you cut the property in half and if I cut it in half can i put my half of the house on my half of the property.

Way to go Mr. 43 year old German guy you are the new divorce hero of the world.

technorati tags:reuters, divorce, news, funny

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closing our prisons

2007-03-09T20:21:00.001-08:00

According to my cuz there is talk of closing the prison he works at, now this is bullshit what the hell are they going to do let these people run free or send them somewhere else and make that prison over crowded and have more problems. I think that it's high time someone gets there head out of there asses and does something worthwhile and closing one of the biggest prison in the state DAMN sure is NOT the answer.

Wake the FUK up people if we don't have prisons than these criminals may be free to do and go where ever they want (a little extreme yes i know)

Hell i know lets put them up in some nice hotel or maybe our schools what a bunch of stupid ass shit. NOW I THINK IT'S TIME A CHANGE.

The prison in question if you want to know is Southern Michigan State Prison, AKA- cooper street hotel in Jackson, Michigan my former home (jackson mi that is not the prison) : )

Oh that right we can't worry about stupid shit like that because chrysler is folding and going up for sale and other auto makers are reporting losses and toyota may get the edge (ok stop lets put the auto ppl on its own blog ok) this is bullshit worrying more about cars than killers.

HELL YEAH take a look at comment #1, I may need to hire this one. :))

technorati tags:prison, michigan

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Pick your candidate for President

2007-03-09T19:50:00.001-08:00

Hello all blogger's, this post is to see what would happen if WE THE PEOPLE had the right to pick OUR own candidate for President of the United States.

We all know that when it comes to the election that our choices are limited to mainly 2 people (not sure about that). You can pick either DUMB or DUMBER, or the ASSHOLE or the SHIT AROUND the asshole whatever way you look at it it still sucks.

Sooooooooooo, I'm doing this and I hope ALL BLOGGERS no matter where you blog will go with this and see if we can make something of it.

This is what will happen, we will vote for the candidate that we want to run for the Presidency (please ppl only 1 vote each) the person must be 23 or older, ALIVE, and real. I will keep this going until NOV. 1, 2007 than add up all the votes the top 19 candidates will then be re-voted on to see who wins the Presidency of the United States of America as voted on by the bloggers of the world. The ending votes will be DEC. 31, 2007, on JAN. 1, 2008 I will add the votes and announce the winner.

Please remember this is to have fun so lets all do it the right way and not the bush way.

Who knows if this works out maybe I will hold an election for the BLOGGER KING or QUEEN of the BLOG WORLD as voted on by the bloggers them self........ you know thats not a bad idea.

This is some of the nomination that some friends and I have come up with:

Jesse Ventura

Paris Hilton

John Edwards

JUST ADDED by email

Patrick Swayze

Eminem

Ted Turner

Antonella Barba

This is only a start so please everyone vote and lets see what would happen.

Please fell free to tell me what you think after all this is my first time doing something like this and this type of voting has been an idea of mine for a while thank you for your time and have a Great Day...

please vote by leaving your nomination in the comment section as soon as I read it I will update thank you.

technorati tags:election, poll, president, vote, fun

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funny Emails I have recived

2007-03-09T19:38:00.001-08:00

Naughty Riddles:

Q: What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A: A cherry float.

Q: What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
A: One US leader.

Q:    What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say?
A:    Beat it - we're closed.

Q:    Why do walruses go to Tupperware parties?
A:    To find a tight seal.

Q:    What's the difference between sin and shame?
A:    It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.

Q:    What's the speed limit of sex?
A:    Sixty-eight, at 69 you have to turn around.

Q:    Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?
A:    She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, moaning, "Lie to me!"

Q:    Why is air a lot like sex?
A:    Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

Q:    What's another name for pickled bread?
A:    Dill-dough.

Q:    Why are Monica Lewinsky's cheeks so puffy?
A:    She's withholding evidence.

Q: What's the difference between light and hard?
A: You can sleep with a light on.

Q:    Why is sex like a bridge game?
A:    You don't need a partner, if you have a good hand.

Q:    What's the definition of macho?
A:    Jogging home from your own vasectomy (OUCH!!).

Q:    What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?
A:    Their balls are just for decoration.

technorati tags:email, funny, jokes

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funny Emails I have recived

2007-03-01T16:21:00.001-08:00

NEW...

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas . With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting:

"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It is guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general ... and all in the name of humor!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this mister, I'm talking to that little shit on your knee."
........................................................................................................................................................................
Drinks Show Your Personality
Before you order a drink in public, you should read this! Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could 'nail' a woman's personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results:

PART A: WOMEN-DRINKS
Drink: Beer
Personality: Causal, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.
Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the ass.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabana boy.
Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very picky taste; knows EXACTLY what she wants.
Your Approach: You won't have to approach her. If she's interested, she'll send YOU a drink.................
Drink: Wine (does not include White Zinfandel)
Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles.
Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with friends.
Drink: White Zinfandel
Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually, she has NO clue.
Your Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is...this should be an easy target.
Drink: Shots
Personality: Likes to hang with frat-boy pals and looking to get
totally drunk... and naked.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed. Nothing to do but wait, however, be careful not to make her mad!
Drink: Tequila
No explanations required - everyone just KNOWS what happens there.

PART B: MAN-DRINKS
The deal with guys is, as always, very simple and clear cut:
Domestic Beer: He's poor and wants to get laid.
Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid .
Wine:
He is hoping that the wine will give him a sophisticated
image to help him get laid.
Whiskey: He doesn't give a damn about anything but getting laid.
Tequila: He is thinking he has a chance with the toothless waitress.
White Zinfandel: He's gay
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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Taxes what a bunch of BULL

2007-02-28T13:27:00.001-08:00

I don't know about you but I'm getting really sick of all these taxes, and they want to add onto what we already have.

I wonder if it isn't time for another party it doesn't have to be in Boston nor does it have to be with tea, but it would be nice... it will never happen but.

This is my solution to the tax problem, if you make $75,000 or less you do not pay fed. or state taxes. we would have a 25% sales tax with 15% going fed. and 10% going to the state. now i know that sounds like a lot but it isn't really that much. for those over $75,000 they clam the tax already paid.

With this type of a tax everybody that buys anything pays taxes. this includes those that come over and don't pay income taxes and all the under the table people.

I know that someone other than a politician can fix this so let me and the rest of the world know what you think is good, who knows maybe someone will read this and see something good and make some changes because the way it is now FKN sucks.

Thank you for your time.

I have to pay a RITA tax what the hell is that my company doesn't take out for this so how do I know these people don't just makeup some number and say this is what i owe. And people wonder why others have alternative jobs.

technorati tags:taxes, IRS, government

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