Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section
of
forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased
male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his
back, flippers, and face mask.
A post-mortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from
massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive
identification.
Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clothed diver
ended up in the middle of a forest fire.
It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off
the
coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to
control the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of
helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the
ocean
and emptied at the site of the forest fire. You guessed it. One minute
our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next, he was
doing
the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air. Some days
it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.
****************
A man was working on his motorcycle on the patio, his wife nearby in
the
kitchen. While racing the engine, the motorcycle accidentally slipped
into gear. The man, still holding onto the handlebars, was dragged
along as it burst through the glass patio doors.
His wife, hearing the crash, ran into the room to find her husband cut
and bleeding, the motorcycle and the shattered patio door. She called
for an ambulance and, because the house sat on a fairly
large hill, went down the several flights of stairs to meet the
paramedics and escort them to her husband.
While the attendants were loading her husband, the wife managed to
right
the motorcycle and push it outside. She also quickly blotted up the
spilled gasoline with some paper towels and tossed them into the
toilet.
After being treated an d released, the man returned home, looked at the
shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He went
into
the bathroom and consoled himself with a cigarette while attending to
his business. About to stand, he flipped the butt between his legs.
The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her
husband
screaming. Finding him lying on the bathroom floor with his trousers
blown away and burns on his buttocks, legs and groin, she once again
phoned for an ambulance.
The same paramedic crew was dispatched.
As the paramedics carried the man down the stairs to the ambulance they
asked the wife how he had come to burn himself. She told them. They
started laughing so hard, one slipped, dropping the stretcher and
dumping the husband out. He fell down the remaining stairs, breaking
his
arm.
*********************
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil
spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most
expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid
cheers and applause from onlookers..
A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.
*****************************
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking
frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running
from his waist towards the electric kettle.
Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him
with
a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places.
Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.
************
Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending
pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany.
Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a
broken
fence, stampeding madly. The two hopeless protesters were trampled to
death.
***********************
What?! STILL having a bad day??
Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter
bomb.
It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was
the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.
***********************
There now, feeling better???
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